But even more than that, I desire this:
To see your face.
When I wake up from this nightmare,
It’s your face I will see.
I will be so completely satisfied,
Every other desire will fall away.
(Everyday Psalms, Psalm 17, page 33)
The first words from the mouth of Jesus in the Gospel of John are a question: “What do you want?” (John 1:38)
It’s one of the most penetrating questions any of us can be asked, one of the most important questions we can be asked. And yet it’s one of the hardest questions for many of us to answer. The truth is we don’t know ourselves well enough to know what we want, what we really want.
The problem is this: Most of what I want are things and experiences I’ve been told to want. They aren’t wants that have arisen from within me. Because of that, I run after these external cravings and ignore the real desires of my heart.
Prior to June 29, 2007, no one knew they wanted a smartphone. None existed. But on that date, Apple CEO Steve Jobs stood before the world and introduced the first iPhone. From that moment on, people have wanted smartphones. We were told to want them and now we do.
The songs we listen to and the movies we watch; the vacations we go on and the way we style our hair (if we have any); the books we read and the food we eat; the shoes on our feet and the cars we drive; the social media sites we browse and the sports we play — all of these things and so much more were offered to us as potential wants and then we embraced them, making them our own wants. Each one of us in a mass of inherited desires. Not just one, but a multitude of them.
Prayer helps me sift through my wants if I’m willing to present them before God.
Before saying a YES, before clicking on BUY, before committing ourselves to activities, the best practice is to pray. We’re so used to simply doing these things that we rarely stop to pray, to sort through our wants with God. I know I’d do better if I did.
St. Augustine offered this simple and insightful request to God: “May I know Thee, O Lord, and also know myself.”
Many have commented on this brief prayer, noting that knowing God and knowing self are intertwined. The more we know God, the more capacity we have to know ourselves. Likewise, the more we know ourselves, the more capacity we have to know God. The flip side of this is just as true. The less we know God, the less capacity we have to know ourselves. And the less we know ourselves, the less capacity we have to know God.
Time in prayer and time listening to God through the Scriptures and in company with the people of God helps us to know both God and self. And in this process, as we uncover the mysteries of our hearts, we come to know and understand the real wants that lie within. And when we know the real wants of our hearts, the less susceptible we are to the manipulations of advertisers and salespeople pushing their wares on us.
Prayer: Give me good desires, God. And help me know you and myself so I can distinguish your good desires from the ones foisted off on me by advertisers and influencers who continually bombard me with their empty desires. In Jesus, my truest desire. Amen.
For further reading: James K.A. Smith, You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit, Brazos Press, 2016.