(Worship leader: This Asaph psalm is a kind and needed companion during depression.)
I prayed my voice hoarse.
With tears,
I called to God,
Needing him to hear,
Needing him to help.
My soul was in agony,
Looking for any sign of the Lord.
I reached out in the darkness,
But my heart was as empty
As my hands.
I thought of you, God,
And groaned.
I tried it again,
And my soul just about collapsed.
You stole my ability to sleep.
My prayers slumped into silence.
In exhaustion,
I grabbed for anything —
An old memory,
Something from the dusty past.
I remembered another dark time,
Singing to you in the empty blackness.
My soul dared to ask
The questions haunting my heart:
”Is God gone forever?
Have I had my last encounter with him?
Has his relentless, never-quitting love
Run out of gas,
Been erased, never to be restored?
Was it just an empty promise,
A meaningless slogan,
A con,
A scam,
A dirty trick just to spite me?”
But once I’d started remembering,
I thought back further.
When did the Great One show his greatness?
Yes, let me remember Yahweh’s ancient actions,
Old interventions,
Unmistakeable miracles,
Wonderful work from yesteryear.
God, you do things differently, don’t you?
You’re beyond any concept we have of “God.”
You actually do miracles.
You really do amazing things
People can see and verify.
At the top of the list is the Exodus,
When you saved the descendants
Of Jacob and Joseph.
Those waters saw you, God.
The waters saw you
And got all twisted up.
Down to the bottom of the sea floor,
They writhed like serpents.
The clouds piled up and then broke,
Heavy rain pounding down.
The sky cracked,
Thunder cannons blasting the air to bits.
Lightning slashed wildly.
Your hurricane voice screaming thunder.
Your lightning sundered.
Just like my soul,
The earth was devastated.
But then this:
You walked your people through the sea.
Yes, your way goes through the chaos,
Not around it.
And where were your footprints?
Nowhere to be seen.
You were leading your people the whole time,
But it wasn’t you we saw.
We saw the people you provided,
Moses and Aaron.
And that’s how you’ll lead me
Through this dark time.