(A David psalm, a desperate prayer.)
Anger isn’t what I need right now, Yahweh.
A hard word and a frowning face
Just might push me over the edge,
My covenant-keeping God.
Blood seeps from arrow wounds,
But it’s your bow that launched them at me.
I feel betrayed.
Why would you wound me?
Crushed by your fury,
My bones creak and ache.
I’m a mess because of my sin.
Even my body rebels against me
Because of how I’ve blown it.
Drowning under the weight of my guilt,
It’s like a backpack of rocks
Pulling me under.
Everything about my life is rotten right now.
I’m a pile of unwashed socks
No one wants to touch or even be around.
Sin stinks
And its aroma clings to me.
Feelings black and bleak
Weigh me down like a ton of bricks.
From dawn to dusk
I wallow in self-pity.
Getting out of bed is impossible.
I can barely move
Without searing pain shooting through my back.
Heart-sick,
I groan and nobody hears.
I try to stand up but fall back into bed,
Weary,
Feeble.
I am an open book to you, Yahweh.
You read a full record of every sigh and complaint.
Not the best reading material, is it?
Just thinking about moving has my heart beating
Double time.
I can barely lift a glass of water to wet my lips.
I look in the mirror
And dead eyes are reflected back at me.
Keeping their distance from me now,
I wonder that anyone ever called me a friend.
I am a contagion
To be avoided at all costs.
Lurking opportunists plot my ruin.
They clink pints of beer as a toast to their plans
To undermine and overtake me.
Mute as a mountain,
No one can hear me —
Not God, not anyone.
Deaf as a doorpost,
I can hear no one —
Not God, not anyone.
No one hears me.
No one speaks to me.
I’ve stopped listening myself.
Stopped speaking, too.
I’m completely cut off.
Isolated.
Only one hope remains for me:
God.
You will listen to me, won’t you Yahweh?
Resolved in this one hope,
I choose to wait for you.
Please don’t let my competitors boast over me.
Please don’t let them get ahead
During this down time.
Quicksand pulls at me.
I’m about to be sucked under.
Reality kicks in at last.
I’m at fault here.
It’s my sin at the root of my suffering.
You know that, God,
But it takes me a while to own up to these things.
Sin may be my issue,
But my foes have no right to treat me like they do.
Their hate for me is unfounded.
But they’re too numerous for me to ignore.
Tricksters!
They exchange evil for the good I offer them.
They build court cases against me
When I try to offer a helping hand.
Unorphan me.
I’ve been abandoned by everyone.
Don’t join the crowd, my God.
Be close.
Velocity is required;
Speed yourself to me.
I need you now!
I’ve been in this funk for far too long.
I’ve been thinking about me and mine
For far too long.
The only “my” I want now is you —
My Lord,
My Savior.