My own heart
Is a mystery to me,
But you know me inside and out, Yahweh.
Nothing is hidden from your eyes.
If I sit or stand, you know it.
I can’t hide my thoughts from you.
If I run an errand or take a nap,
You know my routines
And every break from them.
You hear every word I speak,
Before I say them.
You are in front of me
And behind me,
To my right and to my left,
Above me and below me.
I dwell in the bowl of your hand.
This makes my head ache,
Trying to think of something about me
You don’t known about.
Is there a place I could go to escape your Spirit?
Where I’d be beyond your Presence?
If I rocket to the stars, you’re there.
If I dive to the ocean floor, you’re there.
If I go east to China, you’re there.
If I go west to Fiji, you’re there.
It doesn’t matter where I go,
You’ll still be guiding,
Still protecting me.
If I shut myself in a light-proof box,
You’d still see me.
Light waves, sound waves, heat waves
Or any other waves —
You don’t need any of them
And still you’d know everything about me.
You were there when I was but an embryo,
Guiding the process of my unborn body’s growth.
Such artistry leaves me speechless.
I am in awe,
Humbled in wonder.
The changes you worked in me
From a miniscule zygote
To a fully developed baby
May be glimpsed in gritty ultrasound,
But you saw every detail as clear as day.
You knew my birthday
Before I was born.
And you know the day of my death.
Our information age knows nothing
Next to your knowledge.
No computer can total the sum of your thoughts.
And I’m just talking about the thoughts you have
About me.
When I wake up each morning,
You’re there.
You haven’t gone anywhere.
OK, now here’s the problem.
I wish you’d wipe out the wicked people.
There are people who kill.
I want them gone.
There are people who mock you, God.
They treat you like dirt
And it makes me so angry I could spit!
You gave us the Scriptures to offer us
The best kind of life possible
And they call you miserly and prudish and mean,
Intentionally breaking every rule you laid out.
I get so worked up sometimes,
When I see on the news how badly they treat you,
I want them gone.
I get so angry looking at them
That I need you
To look inside of me.
You know everything about me
And I’m terribly blind to myself.
Am I like these people I hate?
Are there offensive ways inside of me, too?
I can’t just be pointing the finger at them
If the finger needs to be pointed at me as well.
And when you’re done
Sorting through the muck of my mind
And heart,
Could you lead me in the good way,
The beautiful way,
The true way?
I want to walk that way with you
Forever.